dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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