Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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