He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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