i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
