Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
