You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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