You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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