guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
