she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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