I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
