I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
