its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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