What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize