There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
