it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
