it wasn't lemon gatorade
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
