i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
