Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
