his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
