After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
did i just pee glitter
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
