I just threw up on my dentist
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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