if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize