It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
