he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
