It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
