I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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