she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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