Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
