??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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