I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He felt like a one man threesome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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