Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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