Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
