just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
