Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
