Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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