I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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