He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
