Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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