Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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