went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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