Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
