Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
