I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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