I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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