Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
