Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
