We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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