I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
