that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
