I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
