Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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