He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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