I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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