Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
