if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
