Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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