You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
