yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
