I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize