she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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