you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
