i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
