I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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