First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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